This is my story of how I got rejected by every single medical school I had applied to, and what this experience has taught me.
1.Rejection is painful
I was very confident when I submitted my UCAS application in 2017, applying for the MBBS medicine course at the University of Oxford, University of Aberdeen, Birmingham University, and Queen's University Belfast. Well, maybe not so much for Oxford- I had applied there just so I could look back and say "I've tried". But I was optimistic that I would be accepted into the other universities. So was my mom, who had confidently told me that she expected at least 2 out of the 4 universities to take me in.
On the 18th of December 2017, I got my first rejection letter from Oxford. I was alone, in my room, and with my heart hammering against my chest, I took a peak at the first few lines of the email.
"I am sorry to inform you-"
I stopped reading. Squaring my shoulders, I immediately texted my family group chat "My first rejection from Oxford :')" and then I left for lunch. I told my friends, and my friend actually teared up, bless her. I myself was pretty unfazed because I am a realist and I knew I would be the last person on Earth to weep over a rejection from one of the best universities in the world. Was I disappointed? Absolutely, but I got over this news pretty quickly and waited in anticipation for the other offers to roll in.
They didn't.
On the 14th of March 2018, I received my second rejection letter from Birmingham University. Once again, I was slightly disconcerted, but not defeated because to be perfectly candid, I rejected the idea of studying at Birmingham just as much Birmingham rejected the idea of me studying there. It was a mutual feeling, and I knew it must have been displayed all over my face during the interview, that of someone who wasn't really comfortable being there, and so I relented and shrugged this one off.
On the 27th of March 2018, I received my third rejection letter from Aberdeen University. It was not so easy for me to shake this one off. The news felt like a fist punching a hole through my chest. I gave myself a pep talk and broke the news to my family and my friends, and they enveloped me with supportive words and reassurance. My mom in particular was only concerned about how well or badly I was taking all this, and once again, I don't really know. In that moment of truth, I was sorely disappointed. However, I did not have the luxury of time to wallow in misery because time and tide wait for no man, and so I threw this one to the back of my mind where I had tossed the other rejections into. I crossed my fingers and prayed very hard for my last shot at getting an offer from Queen's.
Finally, on the 13th of April 2018, I received my fourth rejection letter from Queen's University Belfast. I remember the feeling of a fist closing around my heart, and how my body felt like ice. I proceeded to share this last epic fail with my family and my friends. Was I surprised? Yes, because of all the interviews I had attended, I daresay my performance during QUB's was the most outstanding one, and had a good feeling about the outcome. I felt a bit stupefied in that moment, and for the first time in awhile, a bit at a loss. For the first time in a long time, I did not know what to do.
2. Rejection is a challenge and an opportunity
Precisely because I was rejected, I was forced to seek alternatives to studying medicine in the UK. Upon my first rejection from Oxford, I had already begun filling out application forms to Trinity College Dublin, Hong Kong University, and National University Singapore, all of which are prestigious. As it turned out, I was rejected from all of them before I had even sat for my A Levels, just like my dealings with the other universities, a concept that is beyond me. Dear UCAS, on what basis can one be rejected before being given the chance to prove oneself and one's worth? Just a question on behalf of all the frustrated, exasperated and tormented students in the flipping world.
I understand that being rejected from all the medical schools in the UK is a common phenomenon amongst medical students. However, at the time, I had not quite grasped how REAL this reality is, and how I could just as easily be in the same situation. I had heard how a 4A* student was rejected from Imperial, UCL, and other med schools in London and was baffled. Of course I was mystified, I mean, what more could you ask of a student? It only dawned on me then how big the fish pond is and how we all are like fishes, desperately waiting to be hooked, to be chosen.
Okay, that's not a factually accurate simile but you get my gist.
I also applied to Australian universities such as Monash University, UNSW, and James Cook University even while I was revising for my A Levels, against my dad's word of advice to leave all these applications till after my A Levels as by then the application period would have lapsed.
Filling out application form after application form, is arduous, not to mention having to write essays. Oh, bliss.
However, every time I clicked the 'send' button, I felt like I was buying myself some hope. I felt like I had sent off a pigeon with a letter hoping it would fly back with a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory in between its beak.
I also explored other options like applying to IMU and Newcastle University in Malaysia, which I did, as well as applying to QMUL in Malta. When I received my rejection from Aberdeen, I told my school registrar that yes, I would sign up for Charles University First Faculty of Medicine's entrance exam which took place literally a couple weeks later. Students from the Foundation Medicine course sat for this exam, a course that I wasn't even a part of!
What I did next? I borrowed the biology, chemistry and physics revision folders for this exam from my teachers, as well as the past paper questions and spent a good solid week preparing for this exam which was supposed to be sat for after at least a few months of preparation through the foundation course. The syllabus for this exam deviated quite a bit from what I studied at A Levels, with the subjects entitled bio, chem and physics being the only common factor between the two. Was I stressed? Heck yeah I was, and I put pressure on myself to give this exam my all seeing that I had not even secured a single medical offer at that juncture.
God had intervened on my behalf on the day the exam commenced, and I was accepted into the university on the 6-year MD programme.
What ensued after that momentary euphoria was 2 months of waiting in trepidation, as it turned out that Charles University was to be removed from Malaysia's list of recognised medical schools, which also necessarily meant that I could not attend school there. I wrote to the vice dean and to the Malaysian Medical Council. I waited and waited, and God answered my prayers- 2 weeks before the start of my A Levels examinations, I received an email from the vice dean, sharing with me that it was all a misunderstanding, that I would not be hindered from returning to Malaysia to practice should I graduate with a MD from Charles.
So you see, if I had secured an easy offer from any one of the UK universities I had applied to, I would not have bothered looking beyond the UK, and would have denied myself valuable exposure to central/eastern European medical schools. It was because I was rejected so brusquely and in such a non-committal way, I decided to broaden my horizon. I learned more about other medical schools in the world over the span of a few months than I have my entire life. I explored, with the help of my school registrar the endless options out there and all the alternate paths one could embark on which would eventually lead to the same destination.
Naturally, it is easy say all this in hindsight, now that the dark cloud has blown over, but even then, I chose to see the positive in every failure I experienced. I remained as cheerful as ever, and never shed a single tear not because I am a toughie and refused to confront my own feelings. I simply did not have the time to feel sorry for myself as a voice echoed in my head, telling me to pick myself up and Carpe Diem the crap out of my predicament. I remained optimistic and bravely faced every ominous piece of news I found in my inbox. It got to a point when my mom actually told me over the phone "Darling, you know, it's okay to cry. Just let it all out. Cry if you must." and I remember asking my dad subsequently "Dad, why does mom want me to cry so badly?" and him replying "If she wants you to cry, then cry for her!" That cracked me up, my dad always does.
3. Rejection is a promise from God that something wonderful lies in store for you
On the night of the 29th of June 2018, little more than a week since I had returned from the UK, having battled my way through 3 weeks of A Levels examinations, my dad and I had just returned home, carrying boxes of stuff we had brought over from our old apartment. It was 10pm. We were both exhausted. I had just gotten over my jetlag.
I looked at my phone out of habit and saw that I had received an email. Upon closer scrutiny, I saw that the email came from the admissions officer / school registrar of Aberdeen University.
Even in my befuddled state of mind, my heart skipped a beat.
I blurted aloud "Shit.."
Yeah, I know, during the pinnacle of my two-year A Levels journey, during the most epic moment of my life, that was the extent of my vocabulary.
My dad raised his head and automatically asked "What?"
I silently passed the phone over to him and we both just stood there in silence while he read the email, in silence.
More silence ensued.
Then my dad left to his room and I kept myself busy with arranging the dishes in the kitchen.
Looking back, that moment seemed pretty anti-climatic but honestly, one cannot expect anything more from my dad and I.
He then reemerged from his room and came over to give me a big hug. I finally let out a laugh. It sounded like the hysterical laugh of a maniac.
My dad told me to forward the email to my mom, who was asleep then, and we retired to bed.
Well, he did. I didn't. I stayed up the entire night, too excited to sleep, texting all my friends and dropping emails to all my teachers and doing everything but the sensible task of getting some rest. I was buzzing with adrenaline, and there was no way in hell I could sleep being emotionally charged like that.
My mom came in at 3am, when I was still wide awake, and gave me a big hug, then ordered me to sleep.
In the morning, when I opened my eyes, I remember smiling to myself and thinking that this was all an extraordinary dream. I genuinely believed that all that transpired the night before would confirm to be a figment of my own imagination, and that it was a manifestation of my pent up desire and longing over the past few months. Sounds dramatic, but hey, I read "The Interpretation of Dreams" by Sigmund Freud so I entertained that possibility.
But no, it was not a dream. It had happened. I had gotten an offer, a very late one at that, but a conditional offer nonetheless from the University of Aberdeen in Scotland to study medicine!
Fast forward to today, the 23rd of August, 2018. I am currently writing this to share with you my story, hopefully to inspire you to not give up on your dreams, especially the seemingly impossible ones. I received my A Levels results last week, on the 16th of August, and I remember spending the entire morning swimming, trying to clear my head and talking myself through the entire process of not jumping to conclusions and remaining cool, calm and collected. I was far from it but I am only human after all.
I spent the afternoon by my mom's side, refusing to leave her for fear that when I receive the fateful email, she would not be there for me to cling onto for emotional support. I took refuge at her office, twiddling my thumbs and feeling like every second was crawling.
At 2.44pm, I received the email and had barely finished reading the first line before leaping from my seat and charging into my mom's office room, crying out "Mommy!"
Yes, at my finest, that is what I said, and you know what? I'm proud of that moment.
My mom, bless her, rose from her seat, looking shocked and apprehensive. I would never forget that look- a mixture of fear, trepidation and vulnerability etched across her face. I almost wanted to laugh, if I wasn't shaking so badly.
"I got in, I think. I'm not sure."
"What do you mean? Have you opened the email?"
"No.."
"WHAT?!
My mom grabbed my phone and her fingers trembled as she clicked on the email attachment.
We both burst into tears.
Such is the end to a 2-year long journey of discovering myself as a student, a daughter, a sister, a friend.
If you ask me now if I saw all this coming, I would say yes and no. No, because I did not think it was humanly possible to be rejected and to be offered a second chance. Yes, because while we are waiting on God, God is waiting on us. While I cannot rely on my own willpower to pull myself through the trenches, I can rely on God.
I am nervous, but at the same time beyond excited to commence my medical journey at the University of Aberdeen on the 3rd of September, 2018.
I would like to raise my glass, to life.
x